She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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