yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
