haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
