He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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