his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
