The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
