ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
