Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
