Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize