if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
Now all my porn is stored in my parentsโ basement. Itโs like a part of my soul is boxed up
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