She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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