No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
