home. puking in laundry basket.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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