I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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