I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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