oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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