It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
