the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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