Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
