my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
