You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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