Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
