Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my liver is dry heaving
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
