I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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