maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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