Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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