You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
