He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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