so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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