An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
