Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
did you just send me my own nude
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize