and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
