I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
