Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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