I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
