My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
