omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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