i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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