Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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