I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
