i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up under a house in Key West
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
