this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
