The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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