I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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