For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
