You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
