Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
