He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
