Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
