I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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