my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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