we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
