OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
