I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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