those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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