I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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