hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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