Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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