I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
