I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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