You work out of a Hotel?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
