um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
