I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
