And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize