even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
