theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
